Beth Shapouri, one of my O.G. beauty friends,  has written veritable tomes of beauty stories. She spent several years writing for Glamour’s beauty blog and now freelances for a host of other magazines and sites. She has tons of knowledge to impart and has given me umpteen tips on so many things from cooking to dating to making your own cold brew. I hit her up for her Five Rules, which she shared below in her words. Check it.

Eat dessert first. 

You don’t know if you’ll have room for it later. That’s what my grandma always told me. She was a wise woman. And she liked dessert.

Change it or STFU.

I’m pretty militant about this: When it comes to something I’m unhappy about I either get to work to get myself out of it or I have to accept that I’m choosing to continue it and not complain. Sure, I whine and mope a little when I’m thrown for a loop but going on about how terrible your job or single life is does nothing to change it, but getting out there and taking positive steps to get to the next thing does. So I pull myself out of that negative space after a few days and keep it moving.

Do not own a magnifying mirror.

Ever. No one needs that kind of drama.

Be the expert of your own life.

When something happens to throw me off course or I have a big decision to make, the first thing I do is research that topic like I’m a grad student working on her thesis. It’s my natural inclination to become the world’s foremost expert on everything in my life so I’m empowered to make good decisions. It doesn’t mean I don’t make wrong choices sometimes, but an informed screw-up is easier to move on from.

Do not aspire to be low maintenance. 

When Harry Met Sally is one of my favorite movies but that scene where Harry raves about how Ingrid Bergman is low maintenance? Total bullshit. As women we’re told not to rock boats in our relationships or at work—you don’t want to be “that girl.” But speaking up for yourself, stating your opinions, and asking for what you want aren’t male qualities, they’re just qualities that get things done. We need to end this narrative that openly striving for anything or being decisive and vocal is somehow a good thing for men and a bad thing for women. That’s not to say you have to be difficult or unpleasant, but there’s a lot of space between “assertive” and “unrealistically demanding.” And Harry ends up happily married to the woman who takes an hour and a half to order a sandwich. Just sayin’.

Thanks, Beth! Stay tuned for more Five Rules installments.

 “Five Rules,” is a series on Rouge18 in which I ask others to share their five rules for life about anything and everything. You can learn a lot about a person by reading which five things govern their actions, no?