Fictionary is a column showcasing beauty-related words that don’t exist, but should.

In a perfect world, we’d all be casually leaning over on a veranda/yacht with our mile-long, even-toned smooth legs. In a perfect world, we’d also be married to Tom Brady. Alas, in the sage words of John Bender of The Breakfast Club fame, “[Screws fall out.] The world is an imperfect place.”

I used to spend most of the summer in maxi dresses because I LOATHED my leg texture. I was having to shave twice as often as a result of my beloved Viviscal/biotin combo of supplements I’ve been taking to help my hair grow. And while it works like a charm, ALL of my hair was growing at warp speed–including on my legs. I’d exfoliate before shaving, but somehow, in 20 years of shaving, I still haven’t mastered how to avoid nicks and cuts and would speed through the process and end up with a horror-movie style welt. That’d I’d re-open the next time I shaved. And so on. Soon, my legs were a minefield of gross and I hated it. I needed to shave less often; much less often to allow the cuts to heal and to give my skin a break so it could look healthier. And I knew I couldn’t just hippy out and plum stop shaving (what is this, the peace corps?). I had to enlist a professional, and that was one Ms. Andrea Young at Beam Laser Spa to zap the hirsute horror on my lower legs.

The results? After just two sessions, I’m obsessed with my smooth, hydrated legs that only have to be shaved ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. I’m giving the razor a rest and have more time in the shower to devote to other beauty chores, like masks and exfoliation. Not having to shave every single thing on my body every single time I shower is a delight I had never known. My skin is also in much better condition. I’ve been exfoliating it using my new favorite tool, Exfolimate (review coming soon) and having a break from being shaved every day has done wonders for my sensitive skin. No redness, no ingrowns, now vile bumpy texture. It’s sexy leg texture (sexture) all day, every day.

The fall is actually a great time to embark on a laser hair removal journey, as you’re supposed to keep your skin out of the sun entirely while you’re undergoing treatment. True story: When I arrived for my second treatment, I was actually turned away due to remnants of SELF TANNER from three days prio that remained on  my skin, despite my exuberant exfoliation. Luckily, I was able to return the next week and become closer to being hair-free on my legs. On my vacation to Hawaii this summer, I packed a razor and needed it exactly once. Okay?

I do warn you, it hurts. Not as badly as waxing, although not a picnic either. Take two ibuprofen before embarking on this journey. You’ll love the ambiance at Beam: the aestheticians are super nice (especially Andrea and Amanda, to whom I’ve gone), it’s safe and as comfortable as possible. If you’re truly apprehensive, Beam provides complimentary consultations and test patches. The machine they use, the GentleMax from Candela, works on all skin tones.

Beam Laser Spa is located at 1841 Broadway near Columbus Circle in New York City. A lower leg session costs $400. You will need at least six sessions for a permanent reduction of hair growth.

Have you tried laser hair removal?