Let’s not act like we ALL didn’t compulsively read it.

Yes, the writing’s embarrassingly bad. Also, I’ve been meaning to write this post for about three months, but then, you know, LIFE happened. I’m semi-embarr to admit I finished the entire Fifty Shades Of Grey series in four days. It’ll make you blush harder than the models on Michael Kors‘ FW 2012 runway did. 

You and I both read it.

Yes, Ana Steele gives no indication that she’s remotely intelligent other than Christian simply thinking she is. She drinks tea and has moderate knowledge of English Lit. References to her “inner goddess”made me acutely uncomfortable.  Ana boasts an inner monologue that sounds as if it’s ripped directly from the ’60s television series “Batman.”

“Holy cow!” thinks Anastasia!

For a complete passage-by-passage teardown of the hellacious writing, visit 50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com. But in between language that’s allegedly spoken by Seattle natives that’s fraught with Britishisms, the fact remains that the story IS spicy enough to keep you turning pages till 4am. So in keeping with blush’s major comeback of Dynasty proportions this fall, here are 50 of my favorite blushes, designed to mimic the hue your cheeks will become upon reading the tome.

Here they are, in no particular order:

 1. NARS Blush in Orgasm

2. Tom Ford Blush in Flush
3. YSL Creme de Blush in Soft Flush

4. Givenchy Blush Gelee in Candide Pink

5. Shiseido The Makeup Accentuating Color Stick in Rosy Flush
6. Ellis Faas Blush in Warm, Dusty Pink

7. Fresh Freshface Blush Powder in Petal
8. Benefit Hervana

9. Estee Lauder Pure Color Blush in Naughty

10. Sephora + Pantone Universe Color of the Year Blush Duo

11. Urban Decay Afterglow Glide-on Cheek Tint in Score

12. Stila Cherry Crush Stain

13. Kevyn Aucoin Beauty Creamy Glow In Liquifuschia

14. Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge for Lips And Cheeks in Raspberry

15. TheBalm Frat Boy Blush

16.LORAC Blush in Pink

17. Make Up For Ever Blush in 8

18. Urban Decay Afterglow Glide-on Cheek Tint in Crush

19. NYX Powder Blush in Mocha

20. Topshop Blush in Neon Rose

21. Maybelline Dream Bouncey Blush in Peach Satin

22. Sephora Lush Flush in Red Wine

23. Illamasqua Powder Blusher in Thurst

24. Philosophy Healthy Cream Blush in Look On The Bright Side

25. Estee Lauder Mad Men Cream Blush

26. Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Amused

27. Make Up For Ever Aqua Cream in Orange

28. GlamNatural Cream Blush in Ashley Ashley

29. Almay Smart Shade Blush in Berry

30. Sunday Riley Blush in Intimate

31. MAC Tres Cheek Powder Blush in LoveCloud

32. Sonia Kashuk Escape to Paradise Palette

33. Chanel Blush in Orchid Rose

34. La Prairie Cellular Radiance Cream Blush in Peach Glow

35. Tarte Cheek Stain in Blissful

36. CoverGirl and Olay Simply Ageless Sculpting Blush in Royal Plum

37. Guerlain By Emilio Pucci Terra Azzurra Powder Bronzer And Blush

38. Korres Cheek Butter in Eros Coral

39. Physician’s Formula Happy Booster Glow Blush

40. Revlon Cream Blush in Rosy Glow

41. Elf Studio Blush in Pink Passion

42. Jemma Kidd Make Up School in Desert Sand/Plum

43. Jouer Mineral Powder Blush in Rose

44. Nars Multiple Tint in Turks & Caicos

45. Napoleon Perdis Barely Blushing Blush in Barely Rouge

46. By Terry Rose De Rose Sheer Liquid Blush in Amber Rose

47. Jane Iredale Cream Blush in Touch

48. Dr. Hauschka Skin Care Rouge Powder in Accento

49. Paula Dorf Cheek Color in Ballet

50. Susan Posnick COLORME Blush in Lotus Sun

What about you? Are you driving in the blush hour?

What’s sending you? And have you read Fifty Shades? Do you agree that Ian Somerholder or Armie Hammer would be phenom as Christian Grey? Share ALL in the comments. Spill.

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