In fact, Andrea Lavinthal and I want to be totally two days ago and enlist Andy Samberg (hai, Andy!) to star in our Shit Jewish Girls Say video, which will include gems like “Why would you ASK if I want to go to TJ Maxx?” and feature her/him eating a small Tasti D Lite with sprinkles on the side on the phone being like, “I’m eating my lunch now.” And another shot of her on the phone being like, “He’s Jewish, mom.” “Investment banker.” “Barclay’s.” “Roslyn.”

Drake serves Drake eyebrows to the kids every night.

But I digress. So many of these videos are crazy clever but one remains my absolute fave and it was introduced to me by my gal Heather Park. It’s Shit Black Gays Say and Kid Fury is my everything. The second episode in particular DELIGHTS me. Watch it; it’s all golden but the part that made me cry my mascara off with laughter is when he says “She is serving Drake eyebrows to the kids and I can’t deal.” Check it:

And I was dead. A corpse is writing this. But speaking of Drake eyebrows, I’ve decided to rock them (well, what I’m really referring to as Drake eyebrows are just heavier eyebrows for ME–it’s cute FOR ME). I’m just loving a ROBUST brow (a word I use on a daily at my financial gig) and the key to making it look natural is to use a lighter shade than your brows. I have so much trouble finding coordinating brow pencil colors (seriously, I have a 30% success rate) and lately I can’t get enough of Maybelline Eye Studio Master Shape Brow Pencil in BOTH Blonde and Auburn–they both work. I KNOW!

Here it is in brown.

The crayon-like consistency boasts an incredibly long lasting effect, and the spoolie brush at the end is especially major for distributing the color so that my brows are totally fierce (yes, ma’am) and with a smidge of brow gel on top, I will be serving Drake brows to the kids all NIGHT. You know it’s not lies, fairy tales and fallacies.

Get involved with the Maybelline Eye Studio Master Shape Brow Pencil for $8 at Ulta.com.