Fictionary is a column showcasing beauty-related words that don’t exist, but should.

Check my glamazing blowout–I’m interviewing Ted Gibson backstage at Carmen Marc Valvo.

Does anyone have better, more AMPLE, more glossy locks than All In The Family‘s Gloria Bunker Stivic? Check her out above with Meathead and baby Joey. DEVASTATING in a good way, right? I’ve long been on an all-out ODYSSEY to mimic that mane. I call it my Stivic Duty. And while I’ve had many a good blow-out in my lifestyle (this ain’t my first rodeo, friends), none has compared to Blow‘s Baron of Blow-out Gregory Patterson. Yes, he warrants a title like the Great Bambino. See below for The Sandlot reference. Can’t you imagine the Timmons twins saying that in their hilarious half-lisp? Read on for more info and tips on extending your blow-dry.

I enjoyed a quick, simple blow-out at the salon’s temporary pop-up location on 12th Street and 6th Avenue while their Chelsea salon is renovated. If you can’t make it there, you can also take advantage of Blow’s new Blow-on-the-go service, where they’ll send a stylist to your RESIDENCE. Gregory not only is wildly entertaining, he gave me a bouncy, voluminous, shiny as ALL get-out style that has garnered the attention of randoms. Case in point: A perfect stranger behind me in line at Rite Aid, where I was buying an umbrella to shield my new coif from a flash-downpour said to me (no lie), “Your hair is absolutely gorgeous.” I turned around and thanked the man who complimented me and then he told me that he could TELL MY HAIR WAS NATURALLY THAT COLOR. Obviously I told him he was my new best friend and to call me every five minutes, as we know my color is the result of lengthy conversations about Valley of the Dolls meets Autumnal Princess crossed with SFB (Super Fucking Blonde) with my colorist, Jason Backe.

The best part? This blowout has been going on for three days and looks fresh as a daisy. I’ve been using the Blow Faux Dry on my roots to extend the style, coupled with daily shower-shieldings with the epic The Perfect Shower Cap. For more tips on extending a blowout, I commissioned Blow stylist Naeemah Carre for some daily how-tos.

Day 1
Fresh BlowOut

Day 2 
The night before, sleep with hair in a high Genie bun to keep volume
and body.

Day 3 
Apply Faux Dry dry shampoo to roots to absorb oils and give volume. It’s an instant refresher.

Day 4 
Lightly spritz front top section with Heat is On Heat Protecting Spray- Its like vitamin water for the hair! Use a round brush to blow Dry this small section of hair. Pin it going back and let set. Take it down a few minutes later and you’ll see that your BlowOut has new life. Its like a Faux Blow 🙂

Day 4
The night before go to sleep with 2 big braids..like pocahontas 🙂 Loosen them in the morning and use a 1 1/4 inch curling Iron to create soft polished waves. Use Beach Blow to break up the waves and add texture to the hair giving your BlowOut a whole new beachy identity.

Day 5
Let your old blowout work for you by twisting your beachy waves into a fun messy side Chignon. use large bobby pins to secure.

Love it! And tell me: Are you doing your Stivic Duty?

UPDATE: My Gregory Patterson blow-out lasted foreVER [4.5 days], in the sage words of Squints Palledorous.

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