1. I am constantly enticed by own copy. I’m used to writing product reviews on this blog, which is surprisingly entirely different from writing fleshed-out beauty features. And when the person editing your features is the former beauty director of Cosmopolitan, and thus, one of the people responsible for my condition as an impressionable rabid teenaged magazine consumer, I find myself enchanted by things I myself am suggesting. When one of my sentences was edited to read “Plum eye shadow will make medium complexions sparkle,” I ran, draft in hand, to the beauty closet shrieking that I needed plum shadow ON THE DOUBLE. Dolls, I don’t even have a medium complexion.

2. This one’s a bit more depressing. I’ve been declining samples of wild, bright or glittery beauty items for years, explaining that I couldn’t wear them in my conservative work environment. But since switching from a weekday ambiance to a weekday GLAMBIANCE, I’m able to wear whatever cosmetic accoutrements I choose. In fact, IT’S MY JOB. But here’s the thing: While I welcome things like mint green polish and bold purple matte lips with open arms, I can’t really get on board with blue glittery liquid liner and yellow polish. As much as I love them on other people. I don’t know if it’s years of residual stuffiness I have yet to shake off (I only escaped my life as a corporette two months ago) or if it’s actually just not that kind of party with me. It’s weird. I wonder if maybe I really AM, in my heart of hearts, a little baby bit conservative. Or just too close to turning 30 (next June). The thing is, I DON’T KNOW. Because I haven’t been allowed to express myself sartorially in years, I’m not even sure what I like.

So here are two items that I really do love… but just can’t bring myself to rock. Whether my dress code inflicted conservatism is actually me or became me, I can’t be sure. We’ll have to discuss fashion nature vs. nurture in a separate post. I have to declare these items, in the sage words of George Michael, “just too funky for me.”

George Michael – Too Funky

Uploaded by zocomoro. – Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Prime example of something I love, but plum can’t pull off. To be fair, the Topaz shade is more wearable for me. But Lapis, alas, is just too funky for me. Bright blue liner is having a moment (some 80s haters may call it a fauxment), but to go there, and go there with glitter is something I’m going to leave to teens.

I keep trying to be able to rock this polish like it ain’t no thing, but it’s a bit dark and bright for me to do it successfully. It’s beautiful, but more suited to gals with darker complexions. For copy-paper white skinned me, it looks nauseating. Maybe NOT everybody wants a lover like that?

2. Disclosure: A press sample of the item was furnished by brand’s PR