I don’t know if you’re, I don’t know, IN THE MARKET to reduce fine lines and visible signs of aging whilst launching a guerrilla war against acne with miracle ingredient Retinol.
I mean, I don’t know your life. Maybe you’re cool with your overgrown pores large enough for an Oompa-Loompa to establish residency. Perhaps you’re not interested in trying out this product which literally digests blackhead innards and creates a smoother, decongested skin surface while you sleep. How could I guess if you’d be into its patented, time-release system that allows the retinol to be gradually infused into your skin to ensure less irritation? Who knows? How can I sell you on waking up every morning with dewier, more youthful-textured skin? This is America. You make your OWN decisions.

But seriously? Do yourself a favor and invest in some Philosophy Help Me ($38), the end-all, be-all of night treatments. My pores are smaller AND my blackheads are in the process of being cleared out. Two small miracles.

And tell me: What night cream are you using that’s so good, it’s inspired you do to an interpretive dance about how it makes you feel? Go.