Dolls, it’s times like these I wish my Uncle Richard (AND my Uncle Robert) didn’t ignore my rule of no family members reading my blog (unless I send them specific articles). Because while I rarely delve into raunch territory (it’s not in my personality to, anyway), sometimes a spicy post is necessary. And vibrating mascara absolutely demands a post veering toward the wild, n’est-ce pas? Now I’m going to just have to go there anyway, and when I see you all summer long at the various extended family birthday parties in Philadelphia thrown my grandmother Uncle Richard, you’d best not mention this post or I’ll die a thousand deaths of embarrassment. Or else raunchy posts will be on the “Never Again Tour 2009,” as my friend Felicia says.

SO. Maybelline pioneers vibrating mascara in the mass space and they’re bringing it to you for a cool $15. That’s more than 50% less than the cost of Lancôme Ôscillation ($34). I love this mascara. Seriously. How do I love it? Let me channel Elizabeth Barret Browning and count the ways.

1. As 2008 and 2009 have really proven to be the years of vibrating mascara, I’ve had a chance to try three of them: Prescriptives Motor’eyes, Lancôme Ôscillation and Estee Lauder Turbo Lash. To be honest, I was impressed by all of them. My one complaint, however, remains the same for two of the three: save for Lancome, the wands COMES OUT VIBRATING. Instantly. And there’s no way to turn it off. I mean, give a girl a minute before jumping right into the action, right? I find that while a vibrating brush (7,000 vibrations per minute!) is fantastic for zig-zagging in between lashes when I’m using it on the underneath section of my top lashes, it’s horrendous for it to be vibing when I’m swiping it onto the TOP part of my top lashes. Check out this video for more info on that. Maybelline’s new iteration lets you press a button to “feel the vibrations,” in the words of Marky Mark. This is CROOSH (crucial). Until now, I’d employed a second, non-vibing mascara for my tops of top lashes.

2. I’m not a Great Lash fan, so I always approach a Maybelline mascara formula with caution. This one is impressively smooth, dolls. It features thickening agents, emollient waxes and film formers to envelop and elongate each lash. It yields true color pay-off for inky blinky black lashes.

3. The brush is just the way I like it: small, lightweight, easily wielded for the tops of top lashes for a mistake-proof fringe.

The battery lasts a minimum of 130 applications so assuming you apply the mascara once a day, once activated, the battery will last 130 days, or over four months. Three months is the recommended time you keep mascara anyway, so it’s a built-in reminder to toss your tube.

Want one? In an exclusive online preview sale, one day only on May 18, you can visit Maybelline.com/pulse to be one of the first to grab one of these up! After the online preview sale, Pulse Perfection will be available in July at mass market retailers nationwide.

Think you’ll try it? Tell me in the comments!