Sad news, friends. I was so sorry and stunned to learn of the passing of my FAVORITE teacher ever, Mrs. Patterson. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and died last Thursday. My BFF Lee called to tell me the news last night. We both took her mysteriously titled 7th grade Language class, and then took her phenom class Advanced Diction and Rhetoric as high school juniors. Mrs. Patterson, in addition to my mother, was my grammar MENTOR and is partially responsible for the fact that I’m so ridiculously consumed by it. It was she who introduced me to Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, three of my favorite books to this day.

I’m more upset about this than is reasonable. I sort of feel like the regulator of English grammar cannot POSSIBLY be gone. I worry that split infinitives and sentences ending with prepositions will plague the unfortunate students enrolled at WHS who weren’t lucky enough to be in school during her at least 35 year tenure there.

We used to joke about her desire to teach a class solely on diagramming sentences – but I’d be the only one who’d have wanted to take it so the school system couldn’t allow it. She used to lament about the dwindling usage of the word “whom” in the modern English lexicon. I think of her every time I use it. I even emailed her last year just to get her opinion on the abundance of bad grammar high school kids use on myspace and asked her if it was affecting their performance in her classes. She agreed that initially she was concerned that “text speak” and “myspace abbreviations” would find their way into her students’ papers, but she assured me (with great relief of her own, she told me) that students’ English skills were actually on the up and up due to the new SAT format which now boasts an extensive writing portion.

In honor of Mrs. Patterson’s utterly phenom blonde (from a bottle, she once told me, but it looked VERY natural) hair, I must recommend the Marilyn Tuxedo Pro 2″ brush. I also have the 3.5″ one which is great for straightening and volume, but this 2″ one gives your ends kicky curl. I have a feeling Mrs. Patterson used hot rollers (she was THAT kind of diva) but this will give you a similar effect.

Lee is attending the funeral this Friday at 3pm at Shaeff-Myers Funeral Home on Tennis Avenue in Ambler, PA in lieu of me as I can’t take off of work but I KNOW the place will be packed to the gills. EVERYONE adored Mrs. Patterson.

I know she’s somewhere right now diagramming the hell out of some sentences to her heart’s content.