Fictionary is a column showcasing beauty-related words that don’t exist, but should.


I know I sound like a HUGE hypocrite, but though I’ve devoted my lifestyle to hair and makeup maintenance, I get IRATE when I saw women in the ladies’ room at work at my former financial gig just HANGING the eff out doing their hair and makeup.

And I’m not talking about a quick do-I-look-okay-no-I’ll-fix-this-errant-hair kind of way that takes just a few minutes. I’m talking about those douche bs who bring their entire makeup bag or heat tool/brush combo and start glamping out in a public restroom in a corporate setting and start going to town. What IS that about? Take care of your hair and makeup at HOME, corporate women of the world. That’s what your home is THERE for. Don’t start Primpin’ All Over The World. Why would you want to lug all that with you? If you’re going on a hot date post-work, I can understand. A gal’s got limited resources. But during the hours of 9 and 5, I don’t want to see you in the bathroom establishing residency.

Why would you want to spend a ton of time where the entire female population of the floor is forced to do their business if you know what I mean and I think you do?.  Also? Thanks for making it UNCOMFORTABLE for people who NEED to do their business. Like, especially if they, like I, work far away from the bathrooms and people in the office actually keep track of how many times they’re seen up walking around away from their desks. Because when nature calls, a woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s going number two in the middle of a salon and THAT is how she feels when you’re in there, putting on your mascara because you just couldn’t be bothered to do it before you left the house. Okay? Women of America and especially of Brookfield Place: Take care of your beauty business at HOME or at your desk. At the very LEAST.

What’s your stance on this? Am I cra or do you agree?