I love these doorknobs from anthropologie. LOVE THEM. Covet them. So much so, that I purchased them and in a fit of “Bob Vila” rage, attempted to install them myself minutes upon returning to my apartment after too much shopping and too many bellinis.

I had just put in a couple loads of laundry downstairs. I came back up to my apartment, disassembled the current doorknob, and installed the gorgeous one. From inside the bathroom. With the door shut. Only to discover the gorgeous one wasn’t the same kind. And I was now STUCK IN THE BATHROOM INDEFINITELY. My laundry remained downstairs. Of course, I hadn’t had the foresight to bring my phone with me into the bathroom. I’d be stuck in a 6×6 cell with only water to drink until my roommate returned from New Jersey the next evening. I started hyperventilating. At least I had water, I mused. And it sure would be easy to fast this Yom Kippur.

I tried valiently to take apart the doorknob by unscrewing the piece on my side of the partition. I was able to loosen it, but not remove it. I then saw that there were three small contraptions that when manipulated (usually automatically from the right kind of DOORKNOB) open the door. I’d have to figure out whether to pinch, move, remove or pull them. Why oh WHY didn’t I pay more attention to the simple machines lesson in 3rd grade. Is there anything more important than knowing about simple machines? Think of all you can do once you know exactly how each works. Anyway. After 20 minutes or so, I finally figured out how to pinch the two small pieces together which, thankfully, opened the door. I sighed an IMMENSE sigh of relief and returned to the laundry room to move my laundry to the dryer. My annoying next door neighbor was also there. I told her of my incident (I HAD to tell someone, it was entirely traumatizing). She answered with this: “Since my boyfriend moved in with me this week, can you believe I have twice as much laundry to do every week?”